Formal Email

Subject: Introductory Email

Dear Professor Brad,

Before coming to the Singapore Institute of Technology, I was pursuing a diploma in Engineering with Business. Singapore Polytechnic is well known for investing in holistic education, as such I have even completed modules such as Communicating for Professional Effectiveness, which I believe may be useful for our future endeavors in this technical communications module.

The reason I chose to come to SIT is so that I can deepen my understanding via applied learning. Ever since I was in secondary school, I have wanted to pursue a bachelors’ degree in engineering followed by completing a master’s in business administration afterwards. This way I can bring forward my skills to the industry and not only aid in engineering revolutionary products but also market it in a profitable manner.

I would say that a communication strength that I have is that I can present to a big crowd very easily given sufficient time to prepare. Going through multiple presentations while acquiring my diploma has left me seasoned in this regard. Another communication strength I have is that I can network with people very easily. When I was a committee member of the Singapore Polytechnic Student Entrepreneurship Club, I had attended numerous official events. However, a weakness I would claim to have is that sometimes I may speak too fast. I have sometimes rushed through presentations when I am careless or if I am mindful of my time running out.

I am hoping that Technical Communication will help to fine tune my speeches so that I can put across points concisely. I also hope to appear more confident when I speak to other people, especially strangers. Confidence plus genuine know how will help engage anyone under any situation and that’s what I am here to learn.

Warmest Regards,
Muhamed Jauhar

[Edited on the 20th of September 2019]

Comments

  1. Dear Jauhar,

    Thank you for this clear and concise self introduction. You have followed the model presented in class closely and produced a letter that addresses each element of the task requirement.

    I appreciate the brief explanation of the journey you’ve taken before joining the TLM course and your plan for further study, and I applaud your discussion of a strength and some weaknesses in communication. At the same time, had you added a bit more substance for the points you mention regarding your interest in engineering and applied learning, the reader might have a stronger sense of how you differ from others.

    In terms of specific language use, you do a fairly fine job, though you need to review the following:

    1. verb use
    -- is renown > (wrong form) ?
    -- Having been a committee member with the Singapore Polytechnic Student Entrepreneurship Club had led > (incorrect verb form)

    2. punctuation/comma splice
    -- Communicating for Professional Effectiveness which I believe > (lack of comma) ?
    -- is that sometimes I may speak too fast, I have sometimes rushed through presentations when I am careless or if I am mindful of my time running out. > (comma splice)

    3. misuse of caps (though generally you do a very good job)
    -- in this Technical Communications module > in this technical communication module.
    (please ask me about this at the start of class so I can share with everyone)

    4. word use
    -- I can bring forward my skills to the industry and not only aid in engineering revolutionary products but also market it profitably. > (wrong pronoun)

    I look forward to reading more from you this term

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Prof Brad,

      Thank you for your reply. I have edited my post as of today by correcting my mistakes mentioned above. I look forward to learning more from you this trimester and to continuously improve myself as the lessons go by.

      Warmest Regards,
      Jauhar

      Delete
  2. Hi Jauhar,

    Your letter was very interesting to read.

    Not only was it well written, you have a very good command of English!

    However, the use of punctuation could be improved.

    Hope to learn more about you in the months to come! Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Darren,

      Thank you for your kind words. Also, I do agree I could have improved on my punctuation and a few other aspects of my letter as well. I look forward to working with you in the coming months ahead.

      Warmest Regards,
      Jauhar

      Delete
  3. Hey Jauhar, this is one of the most interesting letter to read. I look forward to learn more from you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Chi Yang,

      Thank you for your kind words, I look forward to working with you in the months to come.

      Cheers,
      Jauhar

      Delete
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